ME AND MY SHADOW
Most of us have heard Socrates’s admonition to “know thyself.” It is ancient advice and the first step along the spiritual path of most wisdom traditions. It sounds narcissistic and in the way it is used by contemporary culture it is pretty self-involved. But Buddha, Muhammad, Lao Tzu and Jesus (among others) had similar messages for their followers. Why?
Have you ever noticed that when you walk a path at high noon your shadow is small, almost invisible? If you walk that same path as the sun sinks in the sky your shadow becomes larger and larger – until it is bigger than your actual body! We all have internal shadows that influence almost everything we do. We think we are free beings, but we are actually slaves to these shadows. These hidden operators become larger and larger as long as we don’t see them, but when we shine the light of awareness on them, they are reduced to a more manageable size. They aren’t bad, these shadows. We created them to protect ourselves from perceived harm. But when they run off with our emotions and dictate our choices they have made us their slaves.
The goal is to notice our shadows when they show up in our lives and by seeing them, regain conscious control of our lives. Therapy can help with the discovery of our shadows, especially if you are dealing with any kind of trauma. But I think one of the most accessible tools for at-home shadow work is the Enneagram.
The Enneagram is an ancient structure with religious roots that go back to the 4th century. It has been recently rediscovered as a personality typing tool and that aspect alone is fascinating, but what I found most useful about the Enneagram was doing a deep dive into all the automatic behaviors, emotions and reactions that I experience when I’m stressed or rattled. So many of the predictions were spot on! This process was a graduate-level education on knowing myself. After studying my own type (there are 9 types) I began looking at all the other types and how they handle stress. I found a few of my own shadows hiding in almost every Enneagram type.
The Enneagram Types
The following overview offers a compilation of Enneagram type descriptions from several of the books listed at the end of this section. Please keep in mind that most of us are not 100% any one type, but a unique combination of several. Each type (personality) exists on a spectrum from healthy to unhealthy manifestations based on our current levels of stress combined with our level of consciousness (see Consciousness Rising page). Your shadows can be found anywhere on the spectrum but become easily visible (to us and others) when we are stressed. The books that follow will offer more detail but the thing I noticed is that all types exhibit a common characteristic as they disintegrate into unhealthy territory: they cling to their victimhood. We can almost measure our place on the scale at any time by the degree to which we rationalize and blame others for our feelings and failures. Integrating all our parts toward a healthier life requires self-reflection, brutal honesty and accountability for all of us.
Type One, The Perfectionist
Type Ones are idealists who demand perfection from themselves and others. They believe their value is dependent on being good and doing everything “right.” They establish themselves as moral authorities and are quick to shame or dismiss those who challenge their standards. They feel that they must be perceived as right at all costs.
Internally, Ones are under constant scrutiny from their inner critic who is merciless with demands and accusations. Unhealthy Ones are filled with rage, shame and self-hatred (which is often projected onto others to avoid their own failures). They carry around a list of grievances against others and tend to push away and alienate those who love them.
Heathy Ones learn to integrate imperfection into a holistic pattern that is perfect in other ways. They love nature and learn to recognize patterns that support their world view. They are profoundly wise and ethical with an innate capacity to see injustice. They learn to accept the imperfections in others and themselves with humility and authenticity.
Type Two, The Helper
Type Twos have a need to be needed. They believe their value comes from what they do for others. They receive joy and strength from helping others but often their gifts are tethered to a need to be appreciated. When they aren’t recognized for their compassionate offerings they might double down and help harder, or become resentful and withdraw.
Internally, Twos are afraid of not being loved. Their constant giving is a cry for belonging. Unhealthy Twos can be demanding and question the loyalty of those who love them. They become suspicious and are constantly on the look out for proof of betrayal. They become unreasonable in their requirements for emotional stroking and further press themselves into isolation and despair.
Healthy Twos are generous, considerate, and good listeners but have learned how to say no and set limits. They are often sought out for their qualities of friendship and kindness. Their big hearts make others feel welcome and understood without compromising their own health and well-being.
Type Three, The Achiever
Type Threes get things done. They are highly competent and organized and often find themselves in leadership roles. They are achievement-oriented and believe their value is found in their success.
Internally, Threes are in a constant search for positive evaluations. They put on an “easy-going” and happy face to make it all look easy – but it is not easy. Unhealthy Threes use deceit to keep the success story alive and often deceive themselves in the bargain. They fear others will know they are frauds. They are out of touch with their feelings and may seem emotionally superficial and guarded. Intimacy can be a struggle.
Healthy Threes are diplomatic, hard working and well liked. They enjoy their own success and try to help others succeed as well. They are in touch with their own feelings and have learned to respect the feelings of others.
Type Four, The Individualist
Type Fours need to see themselves as different. They are champions of their own uniqueness. They often have high confidence in their intellect and talents or skills and become frustrated when these go unrecognized. They see their value as a function of their specialness.
Internally, Fours fear not having anything to call “me.” They fear an abyss of identity – of being invisible. Unhealthy Fours feel misunderstood and socially awkward. They hypertrophy their feelings and struggle with envy. They base their identity on their big feelings which change with the wind. They tend to hold grudges and nurse their own victimhood for years or a lifetime. They focus on what they have lost and seldom on what they have gained.
Healthy Fours have a natural eye for beauty and many become artists, poets or designers. They have learned to balance their emotions and radiate equanimity and peace. They express profound empathy and are great at guiding others through times of turmoil.
Type Five, The Investigator
Type Fives want to understand how things work. They are constantly filled with questions and a drive to figure things out. Fives believe their value is established when they master or discover something new. They escape to their minds.
Internally, Fives are anxiety-driven. They fear they are useless and use investigating to avoid the sting of that fear. Unhealthy Fives are distracted from their obligations in life (rent, bills, jobs) by their constant projects and may avoid making commitments in their personal relationships. They are hoarders of ideas and material objects and guard closely their possessions (including people in their lives).
Healthy Fives learn to balance their life obligations with their stimulating investigations and discover that this is path to feeling useful and appreciated. They are creative and perceptive and often very smart. They can hold multiple perspectives at one time and use their curiosity to cultivate a deep sense of understanding the perspective of others.
Type Six, The Loyalist
Type Sixes are great team players. They are loyal to family, friends, co-workers and belief systems. These things provide them with a security net that helps them move forward in life. They are willing to do anything for the people they love and find their value in meeting the expectations of others.
Internally, Sixes are filled with fear and self-doubt. They are highly trained to sniff out danger in all corners. They long for security and a stable sense of their place. Unhealthy Sixes can become paranoid and phobic. They are uncertain of themselves and the intentions of others. They can vacillate between making reckless decisions or making no decisions at all.
Healthy Sixes become self-supportive and discover their security lies within. They are grounded, dependable, disciplined, practical and very approachable.
Type Seven, The Enthusiast
Type Sevens are adventurous and fun-loving. They are optimistic and socially adept. Their minds jump from one topic or task to another and they may appear flighty but are very good at getting things done. They find their value in being happy.
Internally, Sevens are afraid of deprivation. They keep their minds busy to avoid anxiety and fear of pain. They whitewash their past and rewrite it as a happy personal story and attempt to cast all their experiences in a positive light. Unhealthy Sevens are impulsive and reckless in their desperate attempts to avoid pain or loss. They may excessively use alcohol, drugs, food or sex to restore their happy feelings.
Healthy Sevens have learned they can best avoid pain by being grounded and productive. They are creative, curious, empathetic, and cheerful. They are skilled at multi-tasking and often ideaphoric. Sevens are often the life of any party.
Type Eight, The Challenger
Type Eights are strong-willed and confrontational. They are not afraid of challenges and seek out new opportunities to prove themselves to themselves. They value control. They often exhibit an abundance of endurance and determination to finish what they started.
Internally, Eights are afraid of being harmed or manipulated by others so they are always looking for the upper hand. Unhealthy Eights are dominating and power hungry. They disdain cowardice and tent to attack those who offer apologies or show weakness. They often feel hurt and rejected by others and respond by attacking first. They seldom see their own culpability.
Healthy Eights are competent, decisive and balance these traits with humility. They enjoy developing strengths in themselves and others. They can be magnanimous toward those who are suffering and fight back against injustice when they encounter it. They are born leaders and take on causes with passion and vitality.
Type Nine, The Peacemaker
Type Nines are everyone’s friend. They are uncomfortable with conflict and just want everyone to get along. They seem naturally easy-going and seldom rock the boat. They do not stand up for themselves or anyone else unless pushed into a corner. They are life’s mediators.
Internally, Nines are afraid of annihilation and they feel safe only when all those around them are okay. Their need to keep the peace may make them easily manipulated or exploited by those they love. Unhealthy Nines are out of touch with their own needs, boundaries, or emotions to the point of dissociation. They go along to get along. They become depressed and may appear lazy or seem to lack any self-drive.
Healthy Nines are gentle souls who learned the hard way how to get in touch with their feelings and needs. They are empathetic and compassionate without allowing themselves to be exploited. They bring a healing energy to those they love and inspire others toward a positive outlook on life.
Resources
There are many resources for exploring the Enneagram. Here are a few:
The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson
Personality Types by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson
The Enneagram by Richard Rohr and Andreas Ebert
The Enneagram by Helen Palmer
The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile
Also check out The Enneagram Institute:
Enneagraminstitute.com
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